| = blending infinity..... | Breazu Roxana Eugenia [18.Jul.05 09:52] |
| "The Moon lets the white and green clouds pass by, and an orange halo sends its fertilizing rays on the sleeping land." Beautiful...full of imagination...it recreates a land i have seen...the dust of stars...the soft twilight...the blend between light and darkness that seem to embrace in the thin horizon...somewhere...at the end of the earth... best wishes, Roxana | |
| = Magical moments | Edilberto González Trejos [20.Jul.05 16:10] |
| Imagination indeed... Magical moments. The last 2 months of the year, for some reason wake an unknown magic in my writs. This is no exception. I am still at bliss when I read these lines. Thanks for the feedback Poetess, SONGO | |
| = a suggestion | ion amariutei [22.Jul.05 20:42] |
| i liked the descriptive build-up leading to the climactic communion with nature in *your simple flesh/ feeling at home/ for the first time in years* i would make a suggestion, if i may. the last stanza seems to be too explicit (and predictable). the whole poem might become more powerful if you can find a way of saying the same thing without mentioning the name of God. | |
| = Sensible - For Ion | Edilberto González Trejos [26.Jul.05 16:31] |
| Hello Ion, Sensible suggestion, poet! I´ll take it in account. It challenges me to delve into the mine of words and images. Cheers, SONGO | |
| = For Ion Amarutei - Suggestions | Edilberto González Trejos [13.Aug.05 20:10] |
| Lake of the Crossing Snakes of Hermes and Mercury, The Stars are reflected like pieces of jewelry on the blue crystal water. The sacred weeds of yellow and purple and pink flowers, wild ones indeed, fall like towers in the shore´s sand, And your Spirit watches your simple flesh feeling at home for the first time in years. The Moon lets the white and green clouds pass by, and an orange halo sends its fertilizing rays on the sleeping land. Your Inner Forces wake up! And THE TRASCENDING VOICE OF MOTHER NATURE, reflected on the Lake of the Crossing Snakes BECOMES ONE WITHIN YOU. WHAT´S UP ION? IN "CAPS" YOU WILL FIND SOME ADJUSTMENTS I MADE ACCORDING YOUR FINE SUGGESTION Songo.- | |
| = almost there | ion amariutei [14.Aug.05 10:01] |
| well, i'm flattered that you followed my suggestion :) but it looks like you simply replaced *god* with *mother nature* and that's not gonna do the trick :) after all, mother nature is just another name for god, but in a different religion... in this poem, the *voice* is the real force, reverberating inside just dig a little deeper, you'll find it :) | |
| = Keep on keeping on - Ion | Edilberto González Trejos [14.Aug.05 21:00] |
| I`ll keep on keeping on, Ion. The poem`s not over `til it`s over. I`ll keep you posted Salut SONGO | |
| = To Ion Amarutei *** again :o) | Edilberto González Trejos [08.Oct.05 01:07] |
| "...And a magnetic embrace like a fire consuming your chest is reflected, multicolour flames over the Water: You and the Lake become One." Second version Ion, Whaddayath´nk??? SONGO | |
| = yesss! | ion amariutei [05.Nov.05 16:24] |
| yup, much better. many times, just alluding to something conveys a more powerful message than stating it explicitly | |
| = ok, Ion--- | Edilberto González Trejos [05.Nov.05 18:57] |
| Cheers "AMIGO" SONGO | |