| = livin' la vida loca | corina dragomir [28.Jul.05 09:43] |
| i find the first stanza pretty minimalistic, nevertheless enjoyable and fit to use for a developing idea based on spin-kit poetical devices. the second one is too explicit. you'd better think of shaping this into a poem preserving the title which is appealing and full of possible conotations. close your eyes and turn loose,all burden is impulse. | |
| = close my eyes... | Edilberto González Trejos [28.Jul.05 16:00] |
| Hello Corina, I deeply appreciate your worthy feedback. Yeah! It makes me want to close my eyes and turn imagination loose... I put into into Personales because I knew it wa snot poetry 100%... The 2nd stanza is too much like prose... Too predictable... However, The feedback here in agonia has made me think it over. May be there are still ideas around to shape this Personals´ Text into a Poem. All the best to you | |
| = early morning typos | Edilberto González Trejos [28.Jul.05 16:24] |
| - I put it into Personals NOT I put into into Personales (oops...) ********grrr... I woke up too early this morning******* - I knew it was not poetry 100% NOT I knew it wa snot poetry 100% ***************** G´day! SONGO | |
| = reveal | adriana anusca [28.Jul.05 19:00] |
| I always listen to your messages in your poems; they do deserve to be revealed adriana | |
| = Key inside | Edilberto González Trejos [05.Aug.05 00:48] |
| The key to open every message is inside yourself. I am glad you are using it. Cheers dear Adriana SONGO | |
| = For Cory - Fat & Thin - check this out | Edilberto González Trejos [13.Aug.05 20:05] |
| Poverty bags, liberty rags, wealth compromised stealth and lies shed. Subhuman microcosmos of a rebel without cause, big mind out in space, thin body out in the streets. An inner yell at life, a claim to deaf ears in the cyber era no one speaks your language. The Master of Babel tangles the versions, strangles the visions of simple bureaucrats. Tied up in ties, frozen over in his Bureau, thin mind in the closet, fat body in the City Club. Eternal contradiction, mixed priorities, twisted budgets Bodies for lease, Minds for Sale The rebels shall starve. | |