Comentariile membrilor:

= .
Marius Surleac
[08.Aug.09 21:19]
Your poem is quite visual but its flow suffers, probably because of the "sharp" phrases it has, if I may say so - the poem is very fractured and you pass from one idea to another without connecting them too well. Also, "city sad" will sound better if is "sad city" and I want to ask if "brings canopy" refers to the "wind" or the "peaks"?

Best wishes,
Marius

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Înapoi !

= .	Marius Surleac [08.Aug.09 21:19]
Your poem is quite visual but its flow suffers, probably because of the "sharp" phrases it has, if I may say so - the poem is very fractured and you pass from one idea to another without connecting them too well. Also, "city sad" will sound better if is "sad city" and I want to ask if "brings canopy" refers to the "wind" or the "peaks"? Best wishes, Marius