| = Hi Daniel | Corina Gina Papouis [23.Oct.09 22:35] |
| I feel the nerve in your poetry, is vivid and some images are striking, BUT, I think the text is too long, it loses that cutting edge due to a narrative style you have decided to use and, at times, a repetitive flat tone. So, I would chose the best bits - although I know you meant every one of them - and re-compose the text allowing the reader to take a breath...also attention needs to be paid to spelling and rhyming... hope this is helpful! regards, Corina | |
| = Thank you! | Delivasile Daniel [25.Oct.09 21:27] |
| I understand what you're saying. I've been writing for a few years and lately it came to my attention due to feedback as well as my own boredom of this classic style, that my writing needs a change. Regarding the length of my poems-almost all are 10 quatrains long and now, thinking about this I find no logical explanation but routine. About the poem above, it's almost like a child (they all are) of mine and I'd rather leave it here in the workshop, innocent and unspoilt than chop it up to pieces. I'm sorry but I wouldn't know what to cut away. Hope you understand. I'll try something new instead. Thank you for your feedback! Regards, Daniel | |