| = slow | Veronica Valeanu [15.Sep.10 10:47] |
| i know that you like writing texts with short lines, collision impact and great rhythm, but this is a softer one and longer sequences could work out just fine such as There are times when you find laughter through the tears, when memories and ties that bind forge you on, a new dawning Treasured moments spent in the circle of family, to be held in your heart forevermore a bridge of blessings, "stone" by precious stone Counted blessings with every skinned knee and "kiss and make it better" Days when you know there are angels in your midst just by holding a little hand or sitting quietly with an elder, whose wise eyes speak volumes even when the words can no longer form on their lips We can walk through life dismissing these tiny treasures in life's chest ignoring our "crest" or we can choose to celebrate them my suggestion at a slower pace also removed several understatements in your original text. | |
| = thanks | Lynn West [15.Sep.10 20:45] |
| thank you for your input | |
| = Conclusion | Sarang Hae [01.Jan.11 18:49] |
| I like your last line, concludes the whole poem nicely! | |