| = thanks... | Marius Surleac [08.Apr.08 10:47] |
| Now I understand what you said before! Cheers! | |
| = Nice writing with good rhytm and images, just... | John Willy Kopperud [08.Apr.08 11:07] |
| ...one little thing, in this passage here: A gift that only incertitude And dissension could take it away And render it to others you should drop the IT's prior to AWAY and TO. Beside the fact that IT has no business in those places you would produce an even better rhytm if "IT" was removed. Cheers from Willy | |
| = thnx for comments its much appreciated | Joshua Vasquez Butawan [08.Apr.08 11:25] |
| thnx marius for stoping by, :-) willy my friend, thnx for noticing my piece of crap, I will apply ur suggestion to make it better thnx for ur help, ur ryt it's so wordy, it's better without it and still even if i remove it it still has its essence and it's better without it, thank you so much, I appreciate it. :-) | |
| = :-) | Joshua Vasquez Butawan [08.Apr.08 11:56] |
| there it's edited, the suggestions IT was removed it sounds better with much appreciated rhytm, still the spirit of gladness can be felt here, I'm very much glad that it was destined to be better, thnx again for the suggestion, it's better now. :-) | |
| = ................ | Daniel Lacatus [19.Apr.08 10:45] |
| Beautiful, but and sad ..... the rhythm runs astonished | |