| = snow falls...in our souls | Marius Surleac [19.Dec.08 11:58] |
| I like the spirit, the idea of feasts and I think a bit of Christmas' spirit is to be found as well. You've captured very well the images, the nature, the continuous change of space and time: "rolling sky". There are great feelings and warmth within the entire poem. Also, I would like to point few slices that can be polished: "in a room’s corner the pulsation of light continues all night long" "the forest’s leaves are ready to follow us everywhere and the wet sea keeps your hair alive" I also think that "your dream colors" would better to use but I don't know exactly what you meant. I like this poem. Cheers, Marius | |
| = Marius | florin caragiu [19.Dec.08 12:25] |
| thank you very much, Marius, I've made some modifications. It remains "wheat sea" even if it may seem unusual, because I mean that the wheat field in the wind resembles to a sea. cheers, Florin | |
| = true | Marius Surleac [19.Dec.08 13:46] |
| Ok. Is better if you use this resemblance for "wheat sea". Cheers, Marius | |
| = 's-genitive vs of-genitive | Simona Sumanaru [19.Dec.08 18:47] |
| the 's-genitive is usually triggered by an animate subject (or it may reflect instances of grammatical economy: "A Hard Day's Night" by The Beatles for example). My personal opinion is that it should be avoided as much as possible in poetry. It tends to cut out details of the picture. "The corner of the room" (the idea of location, not possession), with an emphasis on "the corner", not "the room". Hence "the leaves of the forest" aso I liked the cozy feeling of your poem. Hope you'll find my little plea for the of-genitive here useful | |
| = Simona | florin caragiu [19.Dec.08 19:49] |
| thank you, let's try :) I'm glad you like the feeling. you are always welcome on my page. best regards, Florin | |
| = :-) | Simona Sumanaru [22.Dec.08 19:38] |
| thank you and good luck! cheers | |