| = if I may say...|
|Although the idea is interesting, the style needs improvement. Avoid using “like” as much as possible. Detach yourself from the “collective emotion” and tell the story as if observing from outside. Something along the line:|
the evening, a huge copying machine,
is transferring dusk onto the passenger's faces
while engines buzz
and yet it is not clear whether the crossing light
reveals the fear of what they are
or a snapshot of what they will never be
| = metamorphosis|
|interesting poem. liked it. (don't follow any advice. be yourself & nothing else matters)|
|did you make it shorter? i like it a lot better now. a snapshot of complex feelings, mechanized reality and mixed messages, a lucid dialog with fear|
and, andrea, once you get an opinion, you're no longer the same old self, the opinion already transformed you a little :)
| = late answers|
|Luminita, thank you for your suggestions and for the visit!|
I might disappoint you a little, but I like it like this!
Thank you, again!
Andreea, thank you! Come again!
Ion, what can I say? If you like it, I'm glad. I try to make them as short as possible, but with great density! I hope I'll manage it form now on. Thanks! Come again!
| = hello|
|I like your taste, Ion, I only have to follow you to find something good to read!|
And when it comes to poems like that, the shorter the better.
| = defensive urban society|
Edilberto González Trejos
|Impersonal society, a massive urban defense as well as impressing images, make me enjoy your verses, Poet.|
| = Lavinia, Edilberto|
|Lavinia, I'm glad to see you read me!|
Edilberto, thank you for passing by. Yes, society seems more and more impersonal, so new defense tactics must be discovered. Thank you!
| = flash|
|impressionistic technique. It's just fine you didn't go deeper in the intellectual cave. really it's very hard to change something in the poem - i like this|
| = better later, than never|
|Felix, thank you! Glad to see you like my texts! Sorry for such a late answer!|