| = some though alongside your poem | Luminita Suse [23.Feb.07 03:14] |
| Grammatically speaking, the text is good. There is some potential there. You need to improve on the punctuation for you do not follow rules like: no space before dot, comma, colon, semicolon, etc, only after them. Too much punctuation is tiring: there is no need for commas at the end of every verse, really. The vocabulary is poor, read more in English to acquire new words and expressions. Also, do not let yourself indulge in clichés of the sweet sickening type: “And to get lost in the secrets of our locked heart”. Avoid tautologies: “Every dawn the sun will rise slowly” You leave the present, therefore try to avoid archaic words such as “unto” in “Your face is a window unto a single soul,” Pull out as many “I”, “my”, “you”, “your”, “we”, “us” as possible. Finally, the theme of love, although far from having been exhausted, it becomes difficult from the novelty point of view. In whatever you do, try to leave an out of the ordinary mark. Take care! /O\ | |