Members comments:

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Zao
[04.Jun.05 01:48]
Your story is interesting and carefully written. Perhaps a bit too long though, given this untypical point of view (the second-person POV is always a tricky thing to deal with). I felt it was annoying that your character kept saying 'what?' and repeating the questions.

Some grammar stuff:

'I didn't *told* you about it?'

-didn't *tell*

'I didn't get used *with* all the new things around'

-get used *to*

'How long since I was gone?'

-this sounds a bit weird. Maybe: 'How long have I been away?'

'...in any labyrinth *exists* two dangers'

-how about this: '...there are two dangers in any labyrinth'?

Overall, a nice job. Good luck!

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=	Zao [04.Jun.05 01:48]
Your story is interesting and carefully written. Perhaps a bit too long though, given this untypical point of view (the second-person POV is always a tricky thing to deal with). I felt it was annoying that your character kept saying 'what?' and repeating the questions. Some grammar stuff: 'I didn't told you about it?' -didn't tell 'I didn't get used with all the new things around' -get used to 'How long since I was gone?' -this sounds a bit weird. Maybe: 'How long have I been away?' '...in any labyrinth exists two dangers' -how about this: '...there are two dangers in any labyrinth'? Overall, a nice job. Good luck!