Comentariile membrilor:

= .
Marius Surleac
[28.Jul.09 14:15]
the partial rhyme can help or not the poem. When using this kind of rhyme is better to work more at the rhythm, using tools like assonance or consonance. In you poem you have some loss of rhythm, and would be ok to work a bit more at the number of syllables even though you don't have a full rhyme, especially because of the good images used within.
= strange mix
Diana Todea
[02.Aug.09 11:29]
I think your mixed elements of old and new are not suitable in this poem. Is too forced and honestly loses its flow. Try to be more natural in writing (and of course experimental). Good luck and cheers!

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= .	Marius Surleac [28.Jul.09 14:15]
the partial rhyme can help or not the poem. When using this kind of rhyme is better to work more at the rhythm, using tools like assonance or consonance. In you poem you have some loss of rhythm, and would be ok to work a bit more at the number of syllables even though you don't have a full rhyme, especially because of the good images used within.

= strange mix	Diana Todea [02.Aug.09 11:29]
I think your mixed elements of old and new are not suitable in this poem. Is too forced and honestly loses its flow. Try to be more natural in writing (and of course experimental). Good luck and cheers!