Comentariile membrilor:

= such
Corina Gina Papouis
[26.Aug.09 16:06]
'..a beautiful death' It's a beautiful poem but I think the first and the last lines give the 'game' away too easily.:) I would have left the reader hungry for more...and maybe would have used it as a title: living such a beautiful death.
of course, a humble opinion...
regards,
Corina
= A rhytmic and obsessed poem-
John Willy Kopperud
[26.Aug.09 17:08]
-which is fine and dandy with me. I do support Corina's view, seeing that the insistent rhythm is rather strengthened by using "I am living such a beautiful death" as a title "Since you've been gone" as a subtitle and repeating it as last line.
Cheers from Willy
= self-inflicting
Veronica Valeanu
[04.Sep.09 14:20]
Horia, the effect you wanted to convey is diluted. you know the lines are overcharged with the traces&that static.
the first line is useless there since you wanted to keep it as a conclusion.

[the pavement screams your name with every step] is soo far-fetched.
try to eliminate the unnecessary stuff and diminish the exaggeration of a mellow mood.
V.v.

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= such	Corina Gina Papouis [26.Aug.09 16:06]
'..a beautiful death' It's a beautiful poem but I think the first and the last lines give the 'game' away too easily.:) I would have left the reader hungry for more...and maybe would have used it as a title: living such a beautiful death. of course, a humble opinion... regards, Corina

= A rhytmic and obsessed poem-	John Willy Kopperud [26.Aug.09 17:08]
-which is fine and dandy with me. I do support Corina's view, seeing that the insistent rhythm is rather strengthened by using "I am living such a beautiful death" as a title "Since you've been gone" as a subtitle and repeating it as last line. Cheers from Willy

= self-inflicting	Veronica Valeanu [04.Sep.09 14:20]
Horia, the effect you wanted to convey is diluted. you know the lines are overcharged with the traces&that static. the first line is useless there since you wanted to keep it as a conclusion. [the pavement screams your name with every step] is soo far-fetched. try to eliminate the unnecessary stuff and diminish the exaggeration of a mellow mood. V.v.