| = Andrei | Luminita Suse [22.Aug.10 16:39] |
| I like what you are trying to suggest but the way you say it... can be improved. Verbosity as in excessive description does not always work well in poetry. Unless you aim for prose poetry. So, would you be able to decrease the number of pronouns, prepositions and gerunds in this piece? And get to something of the following form and length: ideas leak out on my cheek dripping down the chin into the glass I'll drink and swallow myself get drunk with my ego we’ll have a binge with table dance and the respired alcohol vapor will fill pages with parts of me… | |