| = just an idea | Veronica Valeanu [28.Dec.10 19:47] |
| well the truth is that it seems too melodramatic. and it's about idealized love, built on the same old patterns: troubadourish love, trembling for a glance, the depth of eternity seen only when smb is in love etc. this part is better: [The only harvest of life That keeps us moving to and from] - would recommend [to and fro]. I see that you like to work on your texts, which is good. It would be such a fruitful adventure to leave aside the good old symbols and to try rendering a concept (attention, not only a single idea!) through multiple elements that could trigger sensations, not the picture of sensations. I said this because you seem to need more from your own style. cheers, Veronica | |