| = to be there by not being there | ion a [21.Nov.11 07:09] |
| given the context of tanka, i'm not sure how well an anthropomorphic projection like "my grief/ just a tiny scar/ in the endless blue" would work. removing the subject from the tableau might actually amplify the power of expression (granted, also becoming a different poem) contrails cut across the sky tiny scars in the endless blue | |
| = tanka | Luminita Suse [21.Nov.11 15:39] |
| This is tanka, not haiku. You are expected to express emotions. Here are examples of a thousand (or so) year old Japanese tanka: as I watch the moon shining on pain's myriad paths I know I am not alone involved in autumn Oe No Chisato I wish I were close to you as the wet shirt of a salt girl to her body I think of you as always Akahito I dreamed I held a sword against my flesh what does it mean? it means I'll see you soon Lady Kasa I love and fear him steadily as the surf roars on the coast of Ise Lady Kasa she said she would come at once and so I waited till the moon rose in the October dawn The Monk Sosei as I dig for wild orchids in the autumn fields it is the deeply-bedded root that I desire not the flower Izumi Shikibu | |