| = C | Veronica Vãleanu [08.Oct.12 11:48] |
| some suggestions: you may skip this part: [always on the alleys’ center]- this info is not very relevant &[alley of the morgue] I appreciate the atmosphere and how the mood was conveyed | |
| = under the chestnuts | Cristina-Monica Moldoveanu [08.Oct.12 13:02] |
| Thank you for recommending my poem, Veronica! I understand your suggestions and maybe you are right. But I still need them in order to set the scene for the actions in the poem. I wanted to be clear for the readers the fact that the wheelchair was outside, on the alleys, under chestnut flowers. Chestnut leaves resemble a palm, this is why I wrote like this the fourth stanza. | |
| = . | Veronica Vãleanu [10.Oct.12 08:15] |
| yes I understood the idea of chestnut leaves but perhaps smth like [mid-alley] | |
| = Passing by... | Romulus Campan Maramuresanu [28.Oct.12 17:03] |
| Hi Christina, Developmental poem with clear value, pointing twds shaping of a yet to be defined inner identity, something with which I don't always agree... You've thought much about wording, which is great but not always good... I am arriving at the fairly unpopular conclusion that too much thinking might kill your true self's song, poetry... Are you familiar with Pullman's HDM? You should think of your poetry's self, like it would be the life of your "daemon", linked with yours, but with a life of his/her own... Remember: defining yourself will always frame you... With respect, rcm | |