| = @ | Corina Gina Papouis [20.Dec.17 22:10] |
| Hi Silvia, Please get rid of the 'in' of 'in this morning' (it's not necessary). (How cheerful I am this morning) Try and keep the line simple in the first stanza: 'water dripping out of my hair like Jiul crossing Oltenia' instead of: 'water drips out of my hair as Jiul* that crosses Oltenia**' also here: but outside it rains and the rain that’s magic, that’s lust, that’s love, it’s also death. try: but outside it rains and the rain that's as magic as lust as love it's also death These suggestions should make it flow better by decluttering the text. Other than that a nice poem. Kind regards, Cee | |
| = ! | Silvia Goteanschii [30.Dec.17 10:34] |
| Thank you for correcting me, Corina! Please, do it as often as necessary. I will keep your advice in mind. Happy New Year !!! | |