| = ... | Ariadna-Raluca Stefanescu [03.Nov.07 23:08] |
| I like better the English version. I sense a certain anger and inner struggle with your own self faced to what we fear most...the loss. If I were a painter, I would turn your words into colours. | |
| = sup | ion amariutei [04.Nov.07 09:20] |
| just a few suggestions, kind of a text lubricant: throw bones cigarette butts a century of reading her sagging breasts/like eyelids it's a good poem but i have this nagging sensation that you're holding back. maybe it's just the peripatetic posture, this "hey you/sup" that's kind of artificial, kind of puts a distance between words and emotion, you don't seem to be fully engaged in your endeavor i know for a fact that you do take risks, at least when writing prose :) k then | |
| = ariadna, ion | felix nicolau [04.Nov.07 20:54] |
| ariadna, in fact it IS better sounding in english than in romanian. i posted it there only as an arrow target, being an old poem. ion, of course this is not a master piece, only an old try. as to the lubricants, i don't know what to say, sometimes they can be very toxic. anyway, i don't write poetry in this manner anymore. oh, prose is the apple of my eye :)) thank you | |
| = IMHO | Luminita Suse [07.Nov.07 21:22] |
| I hope you don't mind my saying that you do not really need the preposition "with" in verse #3... | |
| = thank you! | felix nicolau [07.Nov.07 22:52] |
| not at all, Luminita! my being ever more shallow gets visible these days, on account of the infernal rythm! | |