| = Mandatory transformation | Edilberto González Trejos [11.Jun.05 23:48] |
| "A thread of dust on the skin of a doll." "Her rain – it used to be a call, With nimble fingers like a waterfall" "Empty tears of wind Caressed desert cheeks" And the end... Remarkable verses, where I see a transformation, almost mandatory in orden to survive... simply survive. Monica, I really loved to read this text! Take care, SONGO | |
| = Songo | Monica Manolachi [12.Jun.05 10:25] |
| Songo, welcome over my text... I wrote this when I came back from a travel thousand miles away from home and I had to adapt to new conditions and then readapt to things at home... It was not the same. Several weeks I thought my home was not my home. Eventually, I found that "my home is where my soul is"... I don't remember who said that but he or she was right. Thanks for being here. Monica | |
| = . | corina dragomir [12.Jun.05 11:44] |
| eulogy full of platitudes; a once-original thought (seen as such by the author)that has become a truism. *call,waterfall, browny/brownish or even brown (more suitable)wall* (no rhyme scheme). just for the sake of providing a melodious tone the undertone is damaged by placing three adjectives in a row: "rocky stubborn brawny". the first one is useless. the second one, as well. think about it, make a second reading and you'll get my point. v1: *I changed completely...from what I used to be.* (the english language flavor). it's absolutely pointless to load it with expressions&words that are obvious to the reader. (implicit vs explicit message). furthermore, v5-whose rain? hers? the doll's?, the skin's? (incoherence, linguistic insecurity). /*heart of bone* (artifice!) and so on and so forth. | |
| = . | corina dragomir [12.Jun.05 11:52] |
| you tell me if you associated "the wall" with some muscular strength though it would have been quite an improper use and I'm not saying I didn't take into consideration the personification (endowing inanimate obj. with human traits) | |
| = Corina | Monica Manolachi [12.Jun.05 13:57] |
| Corina, the “stubborn browny wall” is a body, a former body of mine, when I was younger, let’s say. The rain belongs to the doll, as a pair of the “browny wall”. It is a contrast between animate and inanimate, as you have noticed. The new identity emerging from the two is the “hem” that exists in-between. The "heart of bone" points to a contrast between substance and structure. It does not mean only that the heart is made of bone, but also that the heart is as strong as a bone. You are right to mention the English flavour, but sometime I feel it hard to stick to it since it’s not mine… I don’t know if this attitude is moral… It is how I’m feeling now. It might be a feeling that will change in time. With you around... :) Sometime I use obviousness as a door to enter a space that is not so obvious. You are right with “brawny” and “rocky”. I corrected. Thanks for your presence and criticism. | |