Sometimes I sit on my bed...thinking about the words I
Said...while not ruthless...certainly they mean Something to you...I did not intend for them to mean...
...So I turn on my radio...in hopes that some inspiration
Will come...I need to talk to you...
...The pictures on my wall speak only to me of you...
Except the time we share together has not been long
At all...and so I developed this habit of thinking of you...
...In the hours shortly after midnight...when the clouds
Have performed their dance across the restless stage
Littered with stars from Orion's belt...the light flirts
Its way into my room...through the silver curtains...
...You may think this is foolish...but when I said...maybe
I should say goodbye...I didn't mean to be cruel...I didn't
Mean to make you angry...you say "do what you gotta
Do"...frankly I don't know what that's supposed to
Mean...foolish...you say of course you're interested...
You wouldn't just cut off communication...but why am
I practicing not having you?
...If sticking around means always getting the shoulder... hearing the voicemail...not hearing the
Excuse... I don't know if love is even worth it...you pouring your heart out was never the expectation...
...You're going through some things and you don't know
Where to start...so you keep busy...to get through the day...but the nights are always the hardest...the most
Trying...the difficult...so maybe what I'm trying to say to
You is that I would have been there for you...I would
Have stuck it out...I would have waited...I'm good at
That game...I wanted to help...any way you needed me...
...That's my worst trait...I am always willing to compromise...it's always broken my heart...and it's
Not like the indulgence of over eating...or chain
Smoking cigarettes...compromising gets me all broken
Up...broken in two if you will...and what I do is fall back
On my art...because of my unwillingness to control
My feelings...
...All you had to say was...Bella...I need time to get my
Head together...I need to understand the direction
My life is heading in...if I could make sense of that...I
Don't understand how you are not making it...
...So I would have done that for you...I would have
Waited...silently contemplating the pictures on my wall...
...Watching the sun rise and set...and Sam the phone
Would not have to ring at all...I would still be happy for
You...
...Palms sweaty...griping the pen...I would have written
You love letters...in the sweet hope that one day you'd
Read them...realizing we do what we have to do...to
Make it through the rough times.