Have you ever felt that your world is crashing all around you? Something that made perfect sense last week now seems meaningless. Everything that made you laugh or smile seems now so unimportant. You are restless; you can’t find your place. You think too much, you’re agitated, your hands start trembling; you are a mess.
You’re trying to act like nothing’s wrong so your friends don’t start asking you what’s going on. Slowly you slip away and estrange yourself from all that ties you to reality. You seek the darkness of every corner of the room so you can hide yourself from everyone and everything. Strange whispered voices start speaking to you and digging their way into your head. Sometimes you start talking to them and they respond. They can understand you and you start listening to what they say. Before you even know it they have control over you. Step by step you create a world of your own where no rules apply, where nothing goes wrong, where no one asks you any questions, where everyone just is. It makes you happy and you don’t want to leave and you don’t have to. And why should you? To go to what? To that miserable existence of yours with all those problems you have to deal with? You are just where you should be.
After a while your friends and family stop trying to bring you back. They see that it’s hopeless so they abandon you in an institute for the mentally insane. You were too much of a handful for them.
Nobody understands you. They can’t see that there isn’t anything wrong with you. There isn’t anything that any doctor could do for you. There isn’t any drug they can give you cause you’re not sick, you’re just different. They stick needles in you and medicate you to an overdose trying to pull you back. It stops the voices for a couple of hours, but to you it seems like years because without them you’re so alone and vulnerable. Every couple of hours a nurse comes to check up on you. You can’t eat on your own so she has to stick a needle in your hand and feed you through a tube. You want her to stop but you can’t tell her cause even though your mind can think all those drugs have paralyzed your muscles. You are trapped in your own body.
The months go by and you start to be more lucid so your medication is reduced. The voices in your head seem to be just a memory that haunts you when you sleep. You seem to be cured so they release you, but even with the first step you make into the real world the horrors of life scar your gentle soul. You start losing more and more sleep as you sit at night rolled up in a corner of your room swinging violently and rubbing your hands chaotically. You blame those doctors for leaving you defenseless against these horrors and you keep repeating to yourself that it will be over soon.
A ray of light shines on a glass shard, so you pick it up. You run it slowly across your wrists slitting your veins and blood starts poring. It trickles down your hands and you feel its warmth. You run your fingers through the puddle of blood gathered on the floor and you press them on your lips. You taste that metallic flavor clearing your mind of all thoughts. Your vision is blurring as you fall to the floor and realize that the end is here. Now finally your troubles are so far away that you can’t even remember how it was like.
You’ve found your peace. God have mercy on your soul.